'You might say I'm sitting on top of the world with a rainbow round my shoulder.'
'A most satisfactory state of affairs, sir.'
'Mrs Travers, sir,' said Jeeves, having gone to the instrument
He made this kindly offer because I had choked on a swallow of coffee. A few pats and I was myself again and more than a little incensed, as always happens when we are discussing his literary work. Eighteen pages, I mean to say, and every page full of stuff calculated, if thrown open to the public, to give my prestige the blackest of eyes. Conscious of a strong desire to kick the responsible parties in the seat of the pants, I spoke with a generous warmth.
'Well, I call it monstrous. There's no other word for it. Do you know what that blasted committee of yours are inviting? Blackmail, that's what they're inviting. Let some man of ill will get his hooks on that book, and what'll be the upshot? Ruin, Jeeves, that's what'll be the upshot.'
I don't know if he drew himself to his full height, because I was lighting a cigarette at the moment and wasn't looking, but I think he must have done, for his voice, when he spoke, was the chilly voice of one who has drawn himself to his full height.
'There are no men of ill will in the Junior Ganymede, sir.'
I contested this statement hotly.
That's what you think. How about Brinkley?' I said, my allusion being to a fellow the agency had sent me some years previously when Jeeves and I had parted company temporarily because he didn't like me playing the banjolele. 'He's a member, isn't he?'
'A county member, sir. He rarely comes to the club. In passing, sir, his name is not Brinkley, it is Bingley.'
I waved an impatient cigarette holder. I was in no mood to split straws. Or is it hairs?
'His name is not of the essence, Jeeves. What is of the e is that he went off on his afternoon out, came back in an advanced state of intoxication, set the house on fire and tried to dismember me with a carving knife.'
'A most unpleasant experience, sir.'
'Having heard noises down below, I emerged from my room and found him wrestling with the grandfather clock, with which he appeared to have had a difference. He then knocked over a lamp and leaped up the stairs at me, complete with cutlass. By a miracle I avoided becoming the late Bertram Wooster, but only by a miracle. And you say there are no men of ill will in the Junior Ganymede club. Tchah!' I said. It is an expression I don't often use, but the situation seemed to call for it.
Things had become difficult. Angry passions were rising and dudgeon bubbling up a bit. It was fortunate that at this juncture the telephone should have tootled, causing a diversion.
Full many a glorious morning have I seen flatter the mountain tops with sovereign eye, kissing with golden
'A most satisfactory state of affairs, sir.'
Seppings,' I said, 'I want Jeeves. Where is he?'
'In the Servants' Hall, sir, comforting the parlourmaid.'
Had bad news, has she?'
'No, sir, she was struck by a turnip.'
'Where?'
'In the lower ribs, sir.'
'I mean where did this happen?'
'At the Town Hall, sir, in the later stages of the debate.'
to know how you have been solved. I gather that Florence has remitted your sentence –'
'She has, in words of unmistakable clarity. Get out of that car.'
'But why?'
'Because if you aren't out of it in two seconds, I'm going to pull you out.'
'I mean why did she r. your s.?'
don't wonder you're annoyed. But I'm more to be pitied than censured. I inadvertently trod on the cat.'
A look of alarm spread over his face. It had a long way to go, but it spread all right.
'Hat?' he quavered, and I could see that he feared for the well– being of his Panama with the pink ribbon.
I lost no time in reassuring him.
'Not hat. Cat.'
'What cat?'
'Oh, haven't you met? Augustus his name is, though for purposes of conversation this is usually shortened to Gus. He and I have been buddies since he was a kitten. He must have been following me when I came in here.'
Yes? You hesitate, Jeeves, Mr Runkle is what?'
'The expression I am trying to find eludes me, sir. It is one I have sometimes heard you use to indicate a deficiency of sweetness and light in some gentleman of your acquaintance. You have employed it of Mr Spode or, as I should say, Lord Sidcup and, in the days before your association with him took on its present cordiality, of Mr Glossop's uncle, Sir Roderick. It is on the tip of my tongue.'
'A stinker?'
No, he said, it wasn't a stinker.
'A tough baby?'
'No.'
'A twenty-minute egg?'
'That was it, sir. Mr Runkle is a twenty-minute egg.'